


Mistakes Red as Autumn's Leaves

by Sica520



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Does Oscar qualify for DID? Possibly, Everyone Has Issues, Everything Hurts, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Identity Issues, Jaune feels awful, Jaune is angry, Oscar is confused, Oz is shady, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Survivor Guilt, and everyone is guilty and in pain, another fic in my ever growing collection of 'Remnant needs some dust darned therapists!', another fix-it-fic for Vol 6 Ep 9, attempt at brotherly bonding, attempt at dealing with emotional baggage, but everything is complicated, certainly not Oscar, soul merge shenanigans make everything harder, tries to make amends, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-05 06:36:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sica520/pseuds/Sica520
Summary: Oscar had ran away, and it was all Jaune's fault. It only made sense for him to be the one who had to set things right and find the young boy. When he does, Jaune has to come face to face with his mistakes. Meanwhile, Oscar must come to terms with Jaune's harsh words, that hold more truth then he wants to believe. Now, in a small park holding a monument to the sacrifices made, both boys must truly confront their emotions.(AKA What if Jaune had met Oscar at Pyrrha's Statue instead of the Red Haired Woman)





	Mistakes Red as Autumn's Leaves

**Author's Note:**

> I am back! With more tiny farm child angst! Now with a dash of Arkos angst! And some brotherly bonding between Jaune and Oscar, because those two have some issues that we need to work through. 
> 
> So this was inspired by Adel Aka's video. He is a youtuber known for hating RWBY, and rarely has anything good to say about it. If you like rwby I honestly don't know if I can recommend Aka's videos, he is more into destructive criticism. I sometimes watch him just to here his points, although the 'Rwby is literal garbage that never can do anything right' attitude is really hard to get through even if he has interesting ideas. However, you don't have to think the show is 'literal garbage' to be annoyed at how they handled Oscar's running away arc. Or lack of an arc, because the entire thing was off screen to make room for more Jaune sad moments.
> 
> Oscar: "Guys do you think I could have some character development?"
> 
> Crwby: "Not now Oscar, can't you see Jaune is sad," 
> 
> Now don't get me wrong, I love Pyrrha. She was one of my favorite characters and I shipped Arkos hard. However, as nice as it was to see her mom, if that's who that was, and to hear Jen's voice again. It did seem a little off. Introducing a new character then not even telling us who she is for some reason, made her feel pointless. That character didn't feel like a person they felt like a plot point, plus her words didn't feel like they had to come from her. They would have had the same effect if they were said by another person; it was the words Jaune needed to hear not this woman who had to speak with him. Which brings me to Aka's really smart and simple solution. Have Oscar be the one at the statue. Have Jaune have to simultaneously confront his feelings of failure in lashing out at Oscar and in failing to protect Pyrrha. Have Oscar have to come face to face with why Jaune hates Ozpin, and through soul merging shenanigans, have him kind of understand. And if you have read my other works you know how I am all about the soul merging shenanigans. Have both of these characters grow instead of sacrificing one arc for the other.  
> So here is my take on that. Btw this story kinda ran away from me. Enjoy. This gunna hurt.

"It's Oscar, he's missing,"

And it was all Jaune's fault. 100% his fault.

What was he thinking taking everything out on the young boy. Was it really any surprise that he had run from them?

_Run from_ _you_ , he reminded himself.

Now they had to find him before something happened to him.

Something _else_ happened to him, because the poor boy had already been attacked. By him.

What was he thinking?

He wasn't thinking.

That was the truth.

This was just like when he rushed Cinder at Haven, fully expecting to die and half wanting to.

He just couldn't stand it. Nothing mattered.

_Everything we did was for nothing!_

Oscar was just trying to help, to somehow make things better, and it wasn't his fault. But in that moment Jaune didn't want to hear anything about how 'they can't give up, have to stick together as a team, and must keep moving forward', especially not from the boy who hosted Ozpin.

He had had such a visceral reaction to Ozpin's vessel spouting out the same useless empty inspirational speeches.Then he had the audacity to pull the whole 'remember who the real enemy is' crap. It was as if a dam burst. The fury that he felt towards Ozpin came to a head and Jaune attacked.

He attacked the _wrong_ _person_. The helpless puppet rather than the machiavellian master.

Vessel. Puppet. He still wasn't being fair to the young boy. Not when he still saw him that way.

Although, since when did what was _fair_ really matter to how this world worked. Nothing was fair. 

He couldn't exactly help the thoughts that came into his head in regards to Oscar. Made all the worse because they could be  _true_.

They probably _were_ true. The boy was always acting as a go-between, constantly listening to and discussing everything with Ozpin inside that shared mind of theirs. Conversations that no one else would even know about, especially since Oscar had been getting better at not responding out loud. He still did it every once in awhile, but nowadays the only way they knew he was talking to Ozpin was that slightly unfocused expression he wore. Jaune couldn't really ignore how unnervingly empty the boy looked sometimes, as if he was just waiting to filled, to be molded into Oz. What could Ozpin be telling him? Oscar would ultimately be on Ozpin's side, as he listened to the propaganda the old wizard created. 

No it was all too likely to be _true._

And therefore Jaune couldn't help but think of Oscar as an extension of Oz. Albiet a not entirely willing puppet, but an extension of Oz nonetheless. Or perhaps it was closer to a hostage situation. 

Don't get him wrong, he liked Oscar. The kid was honest, ironic considering the liar that he would become, and hardworking. He was awkward and nervous, but still more than willing to help. He was a good kid. But still Jaune couldn't help what he thought about the whole 'like minded souls' and 'slowly merging into one' thing. 

Of course, Jaune _should_ have been able to help _voicing_ these thoughts, especially throwing them in Oscar's face like he had. That was cruel and uncalled for. He also _should_ have stopped himself from physically assaulting a 14 year old _child_. He _should_ have been able to control that vitriolic _hatred_ and _fury_. 

But that was another matter.

Oh Brothers Grimm, he was a mess.

He was falling apart.

And he wasn't the only one. His team was in peices.

All because of him.

The cold bit into him, and he had aura. He couldn't even imagine how much colder Oscar must be. Oscar wasn't even wearing combat gear, he still walked around in his normal farming clothes.

"Oscar!" Everyone was yelling themselves hoarse but there was still no answer.

They had decided that they could cover more ground if they split up. So Team RWBY went off in one direction and team JRN in another. Saphron and Terra of course offered to help, one going with each team since they knew the area better.

It was getting late, they had been walking for a while now.

"Oscar?!" Even Nora's voice was getting tired.

"This city's enormous, he could've gone anywhere," Ren said looking around for any sign of the small child.

"This is all my fault... I overreacted," _Yeah, that sounded perfectly reasonable when you put it like that,_ he reprimanded himself. He didn't just overreact, he _threatened_ a boy more than four years younger than him. He held him by his _throat_ and _slammed_ him into a wall. He verbally _abused_ him, calling him an _enemy_ , a _liar_ , and then for good measure he declared that the boy's own identity _didn't matter_.

That's quite the overreaction.

Saphron looked lost. She wanted to comfort her little brother and fix this problem, but she couldn't. "I still don't really understand what happened. Was it about the mission?"

"It's... kind of hard to talk about," Nora wasn't usually this serious or this quiet.

"I know, I know, 'top secret'. Did he... do something wrong?" Because why would her brother lash out at someone unless he did something wrong. _Oh Saph, you have far too much faith in me._

"No... he didn't. We just got some new information and... it's going to be a lot harder than we thought." He truly had a talent for understating reality. That too was the understatement of the century. The last couple centuries, apparently.

"I mean, if it was easy, then it wouldn't be important. Right?" Here comes his sister, the shining light of optimism. Her words just made him feel worse.

" I think we're all just a bit unsure of what to do next," Ren said.

Even Ozpin, apparently, that hypocrite.

"You could... stay in Mistral, get your licenses at Haven, and come back to Argus. There's a lot of good you can do here. I know your mission is important, but it's not like you're the only ones who can do it. It's not the only mission that needs doing,"

"It's... not that simple," He was also a hypocrite for keeping what they now knew a secret. But how can he even begin to explain the truth? It was better if people didn't know, so that no one had to really see how hopeless and cruel this world was. So to prevent that panic, they kept the secret. There was nothing else they could do, except lie through omission.

Just like Ozpin.

Jaune hated Ozpin, but he was starting to understand that he hated himself more.

Saphron seemed to be getting worried, she began lagging a bit behind. Then she stopped completely. They looked back at her. She seemed to be checking the time. "Well, uh... I should go pick up Adrian from daycare. We'll meet you later. Good luck,"

They watched her go.

"Hey, there's a cafe over there. Who knows, Oscar might have hid in there to get something to warm up. I certainly wouldn't say no to a hot cup of coffee, right about now," Nora said pointing a little ways away.

"Good idea. You two go check," Jaune moved to go sit down on a bench. Nora and Ren looked lost and conflicted.

"Should we bring you back something?" She and Ren exchanged looks at their leader's silence.

"We'll be right back," promised Ren.

It was silent after they left.

The bench was cold.

His heart was cold.

Everything was cold. It felt like all the warmth had left when she did. It was far too cold without her.

The winter had come after the Fall.

And now the whole world was cold.

And no amount of hot coffee or cocoa could help warm it up. Besides, he doesn't deserve to be warm. Not when he was the reason they were all out here in the first place.

Pyrrha would be so ashamed of the way he has acted. She hated bullies and injustice. She never would have hurt a child. She never would have taken her own guilt and pain out on someone else.

_I'm no huntsman, huntsman are supposed to protect the innocent._

_I'm no leader. That was another one of Ozpin's mistakes._

_I'm a failure. I always have been._

He remembered what Ruby had told him once that he couldn't be a failure, he wasn't _allowed_ to be a failure, anymore because he had a team counting on him. So much for that. He had people counting on him, and he still _failed_. He had let them all down.

Pyrrha had died because of him.

And he hadn't stopped there, he was still letting his team down, that was clear from Ren and Nora's expressions. 

_It's all my fault._

His thoughts were stopped by a pure red autumn leaf drifting in the wind.

His heart nearly stopped.

This leaf wasn't a normal leaf. It was winter, there should be no more leaves like this, certainly not this bright red.

It had to be something more. After all, he had recently learned that magic and gods and immortal beings and dust knows what else exist. Is it really such a stretch that this leaf was something else? Did ghosts exist? He had recently received a harsh lesson about questioning what he thought was real, so maybe they did.

Or maybe he was delusional. Maybe he was in denile. Maybe he was just a desperate fool.

Or maybe not.

Maybe this was an impossibility. A sign that maybe she was still looking out for him.

He chased it.

He didn't care that it could mean nothing. It could just be a coincidence.

He didn't care.

He could be imagining it, this leaf could be a figment of his imagination. His longing to see her again manifesting in his freezing brain. A frosty mirage.

He didn't care.

He chased it like he was chasing the meaning of life. Like he was chasing what he believed to be destiny.

He chased it, it led him away from where his teammates had left him. And still he followed. He didn't know where he was going. Where _she_ was _leading_ him.

But he didn't care.

He forgot everything else but chasing after her.

He turned and saw a small park. The leaf glided along the wind and alighted on the centerpiece. The alcove of the park was calm and peaceful, the ornate canopy, that would have blooming flowers come spring, and the vines that decorated the pillars gave the whole place a _regal_ look. It felt like he had stumbled into a glimpse of another time. The whole scene was _beautiful_.

There standing for all to see was an immaculate statue for a fallen warrior, _Pyrrha_. The small lights around the park made the gorgeous gold statue shine like the sun. She was his bright and warm sun, although the not warm enough to melt the snow and subtle frost surrounding the area.

It took Jaune's breath away and left him in heartbreaking _awe_.

He was shaken out of his trace by the sound of someone sobbing. He saw that he wasn't the only one in this park; calapsed on his knees in front of the statue as if praying to a patron saint, was the small form of a young boy.

Oscar.

He was sobbing.

Sobbing harder than ever before. Sobbing harder than would have seemed possible.

He was softly repeating garbled words lost in his sobs. Jaune could barely make out a few recognizable words. "sorry," "fault," "didn't" "mean" "never" "should've" "I'm sorry," repeated over and over like a madman's mantra.

"Oscar?!?" Jaune managed to voice.

The boy froze and looked up. His eyes and his tears had a faint golden shine to them, and Jaune didn't know if it was just because of the lighting. He looked like cornered animal. He held his hands up to shield his face in a pitiful motion. "don't, please don't hurt me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't do anything. I don't understand anything. I can't.... I want... I am..."

Jaune was so startled and relieved to find him that he got down and threw his arms around the boy. "We've been looking everywhere for you," Oscar resisted. He was struggling fighting.

He was terrified. "No! no, no let me go, please, I have to... I need to... I can't breathe"

The boy was shaking.

Jaune suddenly remembered that the last time they had interacted had not been pleasant. Oscar was still obviously expecting more anger and retaliation. Jaune shouldn't have grabbed him like that, he was only scaring him more.

He was only doing more harm than good.

_So what else is new._

He let Oscar go.

Oscar fell back onto the frost covered pavement. Again he tried to use his arms to protect himself. He looked so painfully small. Cowering on the ground as if Jaune was a predator.

Jaune awkwardly backtracked.  
"I'm not going to hurt you," _You already did,_ he reminded himself. "I'm so sorry, Oscar. I..." He couldn't find the way to apologize for what he did. Not when the results of his actions were right in front of him; the boy was so broken.

He did that.

And he couldn't do anything to fix it. If he tried to comfort him, he would just end up making the boy panic more.

"I'm sorry," Oscar said again. He said it as if he was being tortured. Again and again in an agonizingly deafeted voice. "This is all my fault. I am sorry," He was grabbing his head rocking back and forth. He looked like he was on the verge of a stroke. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I didn't do anything. I'm sorry,"

"Oscar! Oscar! Snap out of it! It's okay, no one is going to hurt you...anymore," he eged closer to the frightened child.

"But you... You all _hate_ me!"

No, they all hated _Ozpin_ , but the distinction between the two was never very clear.

"Not that I blame you. You _should_ hate me. This is all my fault. This is all my fault," Oscar was now hugging his knees with his head down. A picture perfect example of a small child crying in the corner.

"No it's not,"

"Yes it is, all of this is my fault. I am the reason for this whole stupid war, it's my fault people are _dead_! It's my fault Beacon fell! And It's my fault that there's an enemy we can't beat!"

He had a horrible suspicion that maybe this wasn't really Oscar talking, but he had already ignored the boy once to get back at Oz. He couldn't do it a second time. "it's not your fault,"

Jaune approached him, slowly with his hands out in a gesture that was supposed to communicate he meant no harm, like Oscar was a skiddish animal that might flee at any moment.

Who knows, maybe he would.

"It's all Ozma's fault or Ozpin or whatever name he chooses to go by. It doesn't matter it's all the same person. It's all Oz's fault," Oscar said and threw his head back in a demented laugh.

Jaune couldn't deny that one.

All he said was, "Exactly, Not yours,"

"But I _am_ Ozpin!" He yelled. Oscar had hopped to his feat in a quick fit of rage, but Jaune still towered over him. He was still so small.

He was so young.

There was a split second where Jaune had to make choice. Jaune had to decide who he thought this boy was. Who was in control? Was it Oscar or Ozpin?

_Pick one. And hope you don't pick wrong._

If this really was Ozpin then...well, they _really_ were in deep trouble. He has never even _imagined_ that Ozpin could act like this. The headmaster was always so calm and collected and never seemed to show any signs of remorse for his manipulation. The idea of Ozpin behaving so vulnerable, so _human_ , made him deeply uncomfortable.

This couldn't be his headmaster. The chessmaster who had everything planned out three moves ahead. The heartless man who used children as fodder for his war. The man who had watched empires rise and fall, and had helped them do both. 

No. No, this had to be Oscar.

And Jaune couldn't let him suffer.

Again.

He had already hesitated for too long.

He made his choice. Besides, he owed it to Oscar to, for once, pick him.

Jaune decided that he didn't care what happened, but for the rest of the night he was going to treat this person as Oscar.

Earlier he had refused to see anyone other than Ozpin, but now as far as he was concerned the only one here was a little boy who needed help. So he said, "No, you're not. You're Oscar,"

"Oh yeah? How would you _know_?!" the boy spat, despair giving way to anger. "How could any of you even know if I'm really Oscar or Oz!?" Then the anger gave way to a terrible empty expression. "How can _I_ even know?"

OK, so it was definitely Oscar. His words were too close to what Jaune had told him to be a coincidence. Which meant that this meltdown was all his fault.

_Everything is all my fault._

"Oscar I am sorry. I was way way out of line when I said that, I..."

"No, you were right. You didn't say anything that wasn't true. Everyone has been thinking it. Dust! _I_ have been thinking it, _I never_ stop thinking about it. You were just the one with the guts to say it out loud," There was hardly any emotion in that delivery. Oscar was just spouting what he considered facts. It was awful to hear him talk like that.

"No it's not true, I was just being a jerk. It's not true," he had to believe that, otherwise Oscar was just going to be another casualty on Oz's hands. He wanted to believe that the young boy before him could make it through this, ...but he really couldn't.

At the very least, he should help Oscar himself try and believe it.

"It is the truth and maybe I should just accept it. No more lies, right? I am fooling myself saying that I am my own person. Am I still me? This is still my body right? I am still me, right? But it doesn't matter. It doesn't make any difference when..." Oscar laughed. It was a dead humorless laugh. "Eventually my soul will be merged with another's, and I will be ...changed....Through...an... extraordinarily strenuous process...on everyone involved," Oscar recited the words Ozpin had used to describe their little 'situation' in the exact same way. There was hardly any difference. Jaune wasn't sure what that meant, if Oscar was purposely parroting Ozpin's inflections and manner of speaking or not. Still it was unnerving. "Of course it is true. I am Ozpin or Ozma, it's who I will be, there's no point in denying it. Oscar Pine will just become another page in a centuries old story, just another one of his lives. Who knows how much longer I have left," 

"No what I said was wrong. I never should have said any of that," Jaune looked up at the statue.

He looked to his partner. She had always given him guidance before, and lately he was more _lost_ than he had ever been before. But she gave him no counsel now; she was silent and her head was bowed, as if in _shame_ because of him. Her eyes were permanently closed, she was no longer watching him. The soft gentle smile that he would never see again, seemed _cold_ on a stone face. It all _hurt_. "I was just...I have been a terrible person. I am so sorry... I shouldn't have taken it out on you,"

"Why not. It is the same as taking your anger out on Oz, is it not?" Oscar's voice was sharp and hurt. He sounded like he might start screaming and taking his own anger out on Jaune. And of course, Jaune would deserve it, unlike Oscar. Either that or Oscar was about to collapse into a ball and start sobbing uncontrollably, again.

Jaune didn't know which would be better.

"No, because you are not Ozpin," These were the words that the boy needed to hear, but they held no real conviction or healing. Jaune's actions had already spoken much louder than his empty words.

Oscar gave another course pitiful laugh. "I thought you hated _liars_ ,"

He did.

He was a hypocrite. And Oscar was rightly calling him out on it.

But this wasn't about Jaune. And it wasn't about Ozpin. And, he glanced again at the statue before them, it wasn't really even about her.

This had to be about Oscar.

"You are not Ozpin," he repeated, hoping that if he couldn't convince the boy through the merit of his words than perhaps he could just keep saying it until one of them believed it.

"And if I was?"

"What?"

"If I _was_ Oz right now, would you be here? Would you be out looking for him? Comforting _him?_  If _he_ was the one who had just experienced far too much trauma to even begin to deal with? Would you even _care_ if _he_ was in pain?"

_Probably not_. If Jaune was being honest with himself.

The idea of Ozpin needing help was... _weird_. _Unnerving_. Comforting the old man who had caused all their problems? No, he probably couldn't bring himself to do that. If it was Ozpin standing here before him, he would be lost to his anger again. The very thought of Ozpin standing in the cold of Argus with his professional green suit, weird glasses and equally crooked sense of humour, made Jaune's blood boil.

Maybe Jaune could knock some sense into him, straighten the bent out of shape things for him, with his fist.

Ozpin standing tall and confident next to the memorial for the girl he killed.

No, comfort would be the _furthest_ thing from Jaune's mind.

But it _wasn't_ Ozpin before him.

It was _Oscar_.

Oscar who had asked him a question. But, he couldn't give the boy the truth. "but you're not Oz right now," _right_? He silently added in his head, but he couldn't quite stop his tone form communicating his doubt.

"... Yeah, I thought so" Oscar said after a pause. He seemed to have seen through Jaune. His sharp strangely colored eyes reading everything that Jaune didn't want him to know. "Well then you might as well go back to the others and tell them to stop looking for me. Because while I may not be Oz right _now_... He sure as dust isn't completely _gone_. He's in my head after all and I don't think you want an _enemy_ in your midst,"

Yeah, that's what Jaune had called him, an _enemy_. He knew it would cut Ozpin to his core, for a man who tried to justify everything by hiding behind the 'greater good' philosophy the worst thing Jaune could do, is call him out for being a force of greater evil in and of himself.

Jaune hadn't meant for that blow to be felt by Oscar.

No, that was a lie.

Jaune just hadn't thought about Oscar at all when he dug into Ozpin. And if he had considered that it was Oscar's body, mind, and soul that he was hurting, he hadn't cared.

How could he get him to come back?

He could only say more empty words.

' _We care about you_ '. They sure didn't act like it.

' _The team isn't the same without you_ ' like he had ever been treated like one of the team.

' _Its not your fault_ ,' it's the man in your head we are mad at.

' _We didn't mean to hurt you_ ' we were aiming for him so can you forgive us?'

Wow, he was a terrible person.

Just apologize again. Another useless ' _I'm sorry'_ that solved nothing that made nothing better.

"I am sorry for everything, you have nothing to do with this," he couldn't apologize for hating Ozpin but he could apologize for hurting an innocent bystander.

"Don't I? I know why you hate him," Oscar turned from Jaune and was now gazing up at the statue. There were tears in his eyes again. "IN HONOR OF PYRRHA NIKOS, ONE OF MANY STUDENTS WHO FOUGHT VALIANTLY AT THE FALL OF BEACON" he read aloud. Jaune felt pain as Oscar read each word, but he didn't stop him. "she did fight valiantly, but it was not enough. I...I made a grave mistake, she was not ready. She never stood a chance. But she still would not back down. I tried to tell her not to fight Cinder, she was no match for the stolen Fall Maiden, Oz wasn't even a match for those usurped powers, ironic considering where they first came from. But...Miss Nikos...She made her choice. She was a true Huntress... Whatever that word means, now that we know the truth,"

Jaune looked at Oscar suspiciously. Oscar had never met Pyrrha and certainly never knew any of that.

Was it Ozpin speaking?

_It didn't matter_ , he wasn't going to make that same mistake again, he reminded himself.

Oscar never went through the clear change that accompanied Ozpin taking over. Therefore still Oscar. Right? Or could Ozpin take over without anyone knowing or even noticing? Oh dust, that was a _terrifying_ thought. One that he couldn't afford to entertain. He couldn't let paranoia and hatred make him do something he would regret... _again_.

But he couldn't help it. He didn't know if this was Oscar or Ozpin.

He just didn't know. He was a horrible person for not knowing. How could he know so little about either of them, that he cannot even tell who is speaking? He dare not ask who this person in front of him is, otherwise he would only prove his previous cruel words right. Because there were times when he honestly _couldn't_ tell who was in control. There were times when one sounded too similar to the other. And it seemed like the differences were few and far between, and getting even fewer as time went on.

But he sure as hell wasn't going to tell Oscar any of that.

"I'm sorry," Oscar told the statue. "I am so sorry Miss Nikos,"

"It wasn't your fault," Jaune repeated.

This is _Oscar._

_Maybe._

_Probably._

_It doesn't matter_.

Even if he is not, Oscar deserves to have someone who looks at him and sees only Oscar. Have someone who assumes it's Oscar first and even maybe mistakes Oz for him, rather than the reverse.

If that means he must comfort the monster to make the child feel better, so be it. After all, it's his own fault.

Comfort the puppet, because he isn't responsible for what his master made him do. Oscar was innocent and he needed to stop treating him like he was Oz. Because he's not.

Not _yet_. 

This is Oscar.

"I know... I know... but I still _feel_ like it was," Oscar grabbed his head again, as if trying to keep it from splitting open. He was on the verge of sobbing again, his breathing was shallow and he looked like he was trying to fight off a panic attack. "why do I feel like it was...Why... I cannot even look... I cannot think...I ... I... _Hate_ this...Make it _stop_... My _fault_. Make it stop... It's all my _fault_... _Please, please I am sorry...I have made so many mistakes,..._ All  _my_ fault... I'm sorry,"

Jaune had no idea what was happening to this person, whoever he was.

This is Oscar. 

Jaune felt like he needed to help. But, how could he? What could he do for this person? ...For Oscar?

"Hey hey, just breathe," he spoke softly, he slowly put a hand on his shoulder, carefully trying his best not to scare the child, ...again. "Can you do that? Just focus on breathing right now. Nothing else. No other thoughts. Just breathing. In... Out... In... Out... Okay?" Oscar shakily followed Jaune's example. And his breathing became level, slowly but surely.

Once Oscar had calmed down, a bit, he moved to be even closer to the statue. "I can't get it out of my head," Oscar ran a hand over the part of the plaque that says STUDENT and then moved to BEACON. "that night. The Fall of Beacon. The night when **_she_** tore down what I built. The night when Oz died again. The night of pure nightmares. I've seen it. ... I remember Pyrrha. I never even _met_ her...and yet I _remember_ her, ...how does that even _work_? ... She was so caring, intelligent, and, strong... Those were the very reasons why we chose her. I am so sorry," His hand dropped along with his head, and he stepped back as if he had been burned by the golden metal.

Yes, Jaune could have guessed why Ozpin chose Pyrrha. She was intelligent and strong, as a prodigy she already knew how to not abuse or flaunt her abilities. She was steadfast and courageous, one who would never give up or run from a fight. She was honest and caring, one who would do anything if it meant she could protect the world. She seemed perfect for the job. Had Jaune not known her that well, he would have said she was a perfect choice.

But Jaune _did_ know her. He knew the girl who no one had asked to the dance, because they had assumed she was too good for them. He knew the girl who had said that their team was the first time when she had been able to have true meaningful relationships. He knew the girl who was stressed out of her mind and felt pressured into a choice to fulfill her destiny at the cost of who she was.

He knew how _cruel_ it was for Ozpin to ask her to become someone on an even _higher_ pedestal, to separate her even further from any connections. To make her a goddess among men with unfathomable power. Pyrrha would _never_ have wanted that. But she would do it out of duty and obligation to those she swore to protect.

He didn't know if Ozpin knew that Pyrrha Nikos. He didn't want to know if Ozpin had chosen her in _spite_ of these things or in _ignorance_ of them.

It didn't matter. He still _hated_ Oz for choosing her. Oz not Oscar.

And now the girl he knew was gone. And in her place an immaculate pedestal in her honor. So that those who hadn't known the girl could still be inspired by the Mistral regional tournament champion. It was a horrible twist of irony. And he hated it, as much as he saw the beauty in this statue and felt gratitude that her efforts were being acknowledged, the irony still left a bittwb taste in his mouth. 

"Pyrrha, she was the person who believed in people when no one else did. She believed in me," If she was here she probably could have believed in this little boy too. "She always thought that enough resolve could conquer anything, so long as we believe," She never would have thought that what they did was for nothing. Jaune could feel tears falling down his own cheeks now.

Now it was Jaune who needed to be comforted.

Oscar looked a million worlds away. And when presently he began to speak, he spoke in that same calm retrospective tone that Ozpin used to teach with.

"You know, Fall is a time for reflection, gathering your harvest, and preparing for the harsh winter. I think Pyrrha Nikos embodied that calm strength and quiet wisdom that knows that soon the seasons will change. Fall is the eldest sister, the one who acknowledges that hard times are coming and we will need to be ready and reminds us, of all we have in front of us. The one who strengthens and encourages us to brace ourselves, but never stop fighting; She would have made a wonderful Fall Maiden," Then the calm speech pattern broke again. "Sorry, that's not what you want to hear,"

"No it's not," and certainly not through Ozpin's cadence. Every word said with either frivolous amusement or weighted seriousness, as if it was all some kind of game or a lesson to learn from. The story teller's tone that made it seem like their lives were just simple fairytales passed on; a fantasy with no real weight. He hated that tone. He hated it more when it came out of Oscars mouth. "but I kinda get it," But he didn't think Oscar could help it.

"It wasn't right, what ... _He_ did to her, I am not defending him and I do not agree with his actions,"

"No it wasn't," Jaune growled still angry at the old man.

"But, ... Well, I also understand why he did it. Isn't that awful? That I can _understand_ making such a choice, that I get how _desperate_ he was? That he essentially weighed lives on a scale and had to pick? How does one force themselves to face something like that? I am not sure, but I _remember_ making that choice, even though I am not the one who made it. He had his back against the wall, war was closing in, _**Her**_ pawns moving up the board, and I had to act. We needed someone who could act as a guardian, a symbol of peace, the last protector of Beacon. Should it have been someone so young? Probably not, but I had fooled myself into thinking she was ready, because I needed her to be, and made a gamble on her life. I am so sorry, that I wasn't able to do better," Jaune noticed again the pronouns that Oscar kept periodically slipping into. They would creep up and then suddenly the boy would be speaking in first person about things he never experienced. 

Oscar gave a small self-deprecating laugh. "I am responsible... A teacher is responsible for his students. The wizard is responsible for the maidens. A king is responsible for his subjects. I am responsible...for everything. A leader is always forced to make the hard choices, and it will always be their fault when it all goes wrong. Every mistake is always met with people demanding your head on a platter... I don't really know why I can understand that... It's not like I know anything about leading anyone...But I feel like...I mean...I kinda...do? I don't really _know_ anymore. Why is this all so... _confusing_?" he sighed.

Jaune could understand being suddenly thrown into the position of a leader.

_'You’re a leader now, Jaune. You’re not allowed to be a failure. Its not just about you anymore. You’ve got a team now, Jaune. We both do._ _And if we fail, we’ll just be bringing them down with us.'_

But oh how he did fail.

And so did Ozpin.

And now Oscar had to deal with both of their failures, when he was just a child.

"I can also understand why miss Nikos made her choice," Oscar continued. "Well...because she was a _huntress_. A position that Oz created revolving around sacrifice and putting others before yourself. She must have known she... did not have much time left. But she used what she did have to help others. She probably thought that if only she could try. If she could sacrifice herself and take down Cinder, then no one else need be lost. That sentiment was what Oz was thinking too, when I faced down Cinder. But she was able to best us both despite our attempts to stand in her way. Despite our loses though we felt we needed to fight, to choose to try. It was an admirable choice, and I don't think she would regret her choice, because a Huntress would understand that there really wasn't a choice to make. There's no real choice to make,"

_No real choice to make_.

Yeah, wasn't that one of the reasons why Jaune was so angry at Ozpin to begin with.

He preached choice. He always said that what they chose to do was what mattered. 'It's the choices we make that define us.' But there really wasn't a choice. Any huntsman knew that. There's no other choice. So there's nothing that really matters.

Our choices don't matter, because they are not real. They are an illusion. We think we have a choice, but really the man behind the curtain has made a position where there is no real choice.

We are not grand heroes, we are just weapons. In reality we are all puppets, not just Oscar. We are all puppets being endlessly strangled by our own strings.

_'So you forced it on Pyrrha.'_

_'We didn't force anything. We explained the situation and gave her the choice, and she chose. You were there, you heard her.. '_

_'When I think of destiny, I don't think of a predetermined fate you can't escape. But rather... some sort of final goal, something you work towards your entire life.'_  

_You can't escape._

_No real choice._

_A huntress would know that there wasn't a choice_.

"She was manipulated by that liar," Oscar flinched slightly at his harsh words. "He said he had a plan. A plan that she needed to be a part of. A plan that would save Beacon. But he didn't,"

"No, you're right. I... He didn't, ...He hasn't for a long long time. He gave up...Just like we are doing now... and he turned to just damage control,"

"And now she's gone! And Beacon is gone! But, me? The screw up who lied and cheated his way to the top? I'm still here! She should be the one standing here," Here it was the real reason for all the vitriolic hatred inside him. The real reason he hated Ozpin. The truth of everything.

Because Pyrrha should have survived.

Because Pyrrha never would have hurt Oscar so much. She would know what to say to him to get him to understand that they did actually care about him. She could've helped Ren and Nora when they faced their childhood demons. She could have done better and more at Haven.

Because she would have been more helpful than him, better than him, in every single way.

Oscar looked at the statue. " She kind of is,"

At Jaune's confusion Oscar continued. "She lives on in the hearts that she touched. Yourself and your teammates. And others who will come here and see a young woman who was courageous and steadfast and most of all willing to try," The words themselves sounded like something out of one of Ozpin's 'join together we are all a team' speeches. However, Oscar added something that Jaune hadn't ever heard from Ozpin, _sincerity_.

"My aunt used to tell me that in everything we do we are planting seeds and one day we will see the harvest we have spread by the kindness we show others. Pyrrha may be gone, but the seeds she planted aren't. There are times when we lose people close to us before their time, and yeah that sucks. It hurts. It makes the world seem so cold and cruel. But, just because we lost them, that doesn't mean that we lose what they meant to us and the times we shared with them. We still will cry when they leave us, but we will always have something that we can hold on to them through, something sentimentally beautiful that rests in our hearts, safe gaurded like a secret that is all our own,"

"Yeah," he sighed. Jaune needed to hear that again.

It sounded like a philosophy that Pyrrha would agree with. She would tell him to fight on and she will be with him. "...Thanks,"

There was a beat of tense silence and then Oscar spoke, sounding so old and tired that his voice was almost unrecognizable as Oscar's. "...You really shouldn't thank me,"

"Oscar I really am sorry for what I said. It was cruel and it wasn't true. I don't think that. I swear,"

"Please, no more lies, I am tired of being lied to just as much as the rest of you. We all agreed no more lies,"

"We did. I'm not lying. I was just... So upset. And scared. And angry. And... well, a lot of different emotions were going through my head,"

"Yeah, I can relate to that," he said bitterly.

"The thought of everything being all for nothing, hurt. The idea that maybe none of it was worth anything,"

"I know. How do you think I feel?!"

Jaune felt like Oscar had hit him. That cold stinging shock of reality slammed into him, just as he had slammed Oscar into that wall.

He suddenly realized that he had barely thought about what it must have been like for Oscar.

What it must be like to _be_ Oscar.

Man, he couldn't even imagine what the kid was going through. What it must be like to wake up one day and have your life irreversibly _changed_. To be told that you are not allowed to be your own person, and that you have a gravely important responsibility to save the world. To become a hero to protect the world at the cost of who you were. Oscar was separated from everyone else and no one treated him like an actual human being.  
Pyrrha had once said that Jaune saw through things and was genuine in the way he spoke to people, ' _you treated me just like anyone else,'_

It was time he put that into practice with the boy in front of him. Because yes this boy in front of Jaune is a human being just like anyone else. Oscar is not just Ozpin. He is not an soulless puppet. He is not just an empty vessel for Ozpin. He is his own person, and it's about time that they started treating him like he was. 

Jaune remembers wanting to be a huntsman more than anything else. He had always wanted to be a great hero of legend, like his great grandfather, so much so that he cheated and lied his way into Beacon.

But he can't remember if Oscar ever voiced any similar dreams. What did Oscar want for his life, before it had all been _decided_ for him by Ozpin? He never chose this life, unlike the rest of them. "You never asked for any of this, did you?"Jaune did. Pyrrha did. Oscar did not.

"No, I didn't. But it doesn't really matter, I'm gonna be gone soon anyways,"

"Don't say that!"

"Why not? it's true and we all know it! Why should I continue to lie to myself?"

The young boy stopped and became presently lost gazing into the middle distance. Looking far too old for his small stature. "Besides I think I might rather be... gone. It's ironic to think about but it is in passing that we truly achieve immortality. I mean look at Oz and Salem, Their lives have become so ... _empty_ ," Jaune wondered if Oscar even realized he was talking, because Oscar certainly wasn't addressing him. "Life is only truly precious when you realize that it ends. Otherwise, what is the point? What is the point in fighting forever if it gets you nowhere? Why would you keep fighting, If you soon begin to _resent_ the very fact that you are still alive...I don't want to live like that," his voice was so soft and so tired.

He sighed and gazed up at the evening sky, "Y'know I used to get up super early everyday and watch the sunrise. Watch it stream over the hills of Anima, bathing our humble little farm with it's light, turning everything to gold. It was always _beautiful_. Everyday for years, and I _never_ got tired of it," There was a clumsy smile on his face, like he was trying to remind himself of what a smile was and how to wear one, but in the end he could only manage this broken sad facsimile. "And every night after a hard days work, that beauty would return in the sunset. I love the sunset too, but the sunset always struck me as a little bit sadder then the sunrise. The sunrise was the beginning of something, and the sunset the ending. But both are beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. And after the sunset the stars came out and the fractured moon. The stars would shine and laugh and moon, while broken was still able to give out light. Looking out into the sky of Anima would always remind me what is important in life, how life can be hard, but there's always something beautiful to see,"

Then after a moment, he continued and the awkward pieced together smile shattered, again. "But, ...Oz," His face and voice darkened, but not out of anger. No out of something far worse that Jaune couldn't quite seem to name. "Oz _hates_ the sunrise; for him it's just another reminder that he is still here, still alive, one more day that his task has remained undone... Another morning where he must follow his terrible profession ...He hates the sunset, because even though the sun sets he can never rest. The stars are silent to him, and the moon is just a painful reminder of how the whole world is broken. Life is empty for Oz. He endlessly toils but accomplishes nothing. There's no beauty in the sky, only shame... One day I will _hate_ that sunrise too...I don't want that. One day my eyes will be blind. One day everything that once held beauty will turn offensive to my eyes, and I will forget how to clearly see. Maybe I can believe that the fact that I will be...gone...and I will never have to be there for that moment, the moment when the sun rises but I no longer see it's beauty, is the last bit of reprieve I get from this curse,"

"Oscar, you can't just give up. You're more than all of this,"

"Yeah, just a farm hand way out of my depths, Nothing much of consequence compared to a hero, a wizard, a king, or a headmaster,"

Jaune hugged him again, and this time Oscar didn't try and escape. Although, he did begin to cry, again. "Please Oscar you do matter,"

"I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I _am,_ anymore...I feel myself everyday... _slipping_ away... I am so so _scared_ , Jaune. I don't want this. I don't want you guys to hate me. I don't want to _hate_ _myself_. I don't want to hate  _life_ in general. I just don't want _this_ , I am so _scared_ ," he whispered sounding as young as he really was.

"Hey, hey, hey, I know. I get it. I think we all are. But we're not alone. You are not alone. And as for who you are, you are Oscar," Jaune spoke softly doing his best to calm the child down. To be there for him. He tried to do what he could. He hugged him tighter.

"How can you be sure?" The boy muttered when the hug finished.

"For one thing, I've never seen Ozpin ever be that open with anyone. He's always so secretive, so calm and collected, "

Oscar shook his head, "No, he was a mess right after Jinn showed us everything. That calm is all pretend. He doesn't know what to do, either,"

"Well, you just talked about your aunt. Ozpin can't do that,"

"He will be able to, once we fully share all our memories. I can already remember events I've never witnessed...My own memories are starting to scare me, because they aren't even _mine,_ not anymore. And I know Oz can access _my_ memories he has already done it at times"

"You were able to talk to me about Pyrrha, you realize that if Ozpin tried that I would have probably decked him," he ground his words and clenched his fists at the thought.

Oscar looked scared again, "please, don't, I didn't do anything, don't hit me,"

_Right, hitting Ozpin would hurt Oscar_.

"I'm not going to!" Oh dust! Why was he so _bad_ at this? He sighed, and the tension in his shoulders relaxed. "Look, I never should have said those things to you, I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me? ...Can you come back?"

The boy paused for a bit. He glanced again at Pyrrha and then slowly slowly nodded. "Only if you can forgive me,"

"There's nothing to forgive. It wasn't your fault,"

"What about him? Could you ever forgive him?"

_No, probably not._

He couldn't say that. So he remained silent, knowing that Oscar would still be able to figure out the answer based on his lack of one.

"What about... When... I... _am_ him, can you forgive... _me_ ,?"

That was the kicker wasn't it? This was why Oscar ran. Why the boy still faught back flinches when Jaune moved too close.  
What could he say?

In the end, he needed to say what Oscar needed to hear. And hope that when the time comes he can follow through with his word.

"If it's you. Still you in there somewhere. And there is still going to be you in there. Then even if you are him, I can forgive you,"

Oscar was tearing up again. "Some of _me_?...some part of him that will still be... _me_? How much of me?" He whispered. And then shook his head and looked at Jaune with the tears overwhelming his eyes, "Thank you,"

"So, are you coming back?"

"Yes. I may not know who I am or how much longer I will be...Me. but I do know that I want to do whatever I can to help with whatever time I have left," He looked back up at the statue of Pyrrha. "With my limited time I will fight. I have made my choice, because there is no other choice for a huntsman,"

Jaune knew that Oscar was saying these words in a triumphant way, but he couldn't help but think that Oscar might fall just as the invincible girl and Beacon fell.

Jaune couldn't help but think how awful it was that there was no real choice.

He couldn't help but feel that same feeling he felt watching Pyrrha be shut into a strange capsule that he didn't understand the purpose for.

Except now Jaune knew what it did, and he knew that Oscar would lose himself to fulfill his destiny. Oscar had an obligation to the world, orders he couldn't disobey, and to see Oscar accept that was not a triumphant moment.

But this time Jaune could help speaking, and he kept his thoughts to himself.

All he said was, "we may not have graduated, and in your case even enrolled, but we are Huntsman and Huntresses so long as we work to protect those in need, as long as we keep fighting and trying," Jaune let the moment hang for a bit and then, "We should probably go meet up with the others,"

Oscar nodded and shivered a bit. 

"But maybe we should get you some more appropriate clothes, first. After all if you are going to be a huntsman, you need some combat gear. Plus I would imagine you are freezing,"

Oscar gave a weak little chuckle, "yeah, I am not used to this weather," he punctuated his statement with a couple sneezes. 

"I can see that, C'mon," Jaune lead Oscar away after one last look at the statue and the bright red leaf which was resting on the pedestal. 

The leaf. She was still guiding him.

And now it was up to him to try, like she did. 

_Goodbye Pyrrha, I am not stopping the fight. Thanks for everything. I swear to keep moving forward._

Jaune made another promise that, if he was being completely truthful, he wasn't entirely sure he could keep.

He was going to try. He wasn't going to forget, because Oscar was right, the world is _beautiful_. And looking down at this little boy who was probably going to fade away, he knew that he had a responsibility to not forget that fact. Maybe even help remind Oscar from time to time, that life is beautiful and there's something intrinsically valuable even if it cannot be seen. 

_Keep moving forward. Keep planting seeds. And never forget that life is not empty. So let's actually start to live again. Live while we can._ _We don't know what tomorrow will hold, but we can't give up._

They still sounded like empty words. A speech someone gives to try and push themselves back onto their feet. A speech Ruby would say clutching her crumbling optimistic view of the world. A hypocritical speech the Headmaster would give at the beginning of the year, despite Ozpin himself doubting every single word. Empty words.

It was hard to move on.

It was hard to accept.

It was hard to keep going.

_'if it was easy, then it wouldn't be important,'_

Jaune sighed, _Well we should at least try, right?_

Like Pyrrha did. Like huntsman had a responsibility to do. Like this young child before him was swearing on his soul to do. 

_We still need to try._  

The road looks rough ahead. We have no idea what to do. Where to go from here. How to even get to atlas, let alone what we are going to do once there. But it doesn't matter we must just keep moving forward.


End file.
